New Addition

Mr. Dibs

For some of you that may not know, we used to have a dog who I named Mr. Dibs.  The reason behind the name was very simple, however, the story about Mr. Dibbs will be told at another time.  Indeed, our doorsteps at 10th street in Washington, DC seemed to be very inviting to the four legged's.   The night before we left DC for Newark, while we were packing up our stuff, a stranger walked in our house while I was loading my car.  Much to our alarm, it was inviting himself in and we had no idea who he was!  The four legged strutted his stuff and began sniffing around...a beautiful black cat.  He was friendly and very adoptable in my book.  Neva and I doted at the idea of bringing him with us to Newark but I knew it was probably impossible.  I did not have a litter box, food, or carriage for that cat and it seemed to be domesticated and bringing him to Newark would ruin his chance of returning home altogether.  Ultimately, I explained to Neva that we were not bringing him and "promised" her that we would get a cat when we were in Newark. Note the word, "promise". 

Neva held steadfast to my promise and never allowed me to forget :).  I kept telling her "soon" until I realized that I did not want her to think I was making empty promises.  To be honest, I miss having cat paws around the house because after Neva goes to sleep, it gets quiet in here.  Hence began the quest of a perfect cat...and the list was short.  I only wanted a cat that was good with kids and was personable.  I never imagined that the simplicity in a cat that I was looking for came out to be such a blessing.   

I was never a Craigslist type of person but I thought I would look into that for pets that needed good homes and because it was "cheaper".  When I found an ad with Roscoe's picture, it was not great but for some reason, the picture did a pull on me in which I felt compelled to respond.  The owner responded rather quickly and said the cat was still available and eventually we set the date to pick him up the following day.  The drive took about an hour although it was like 35 miles and it was in Drexel Hill, PA.   While I was driving, I was thinking, 'holy cow, if that cat turns out to be a dud, what am I gonna do?'  Neva already was expecting a cat, the people giving him up were expecting me, and I was sitting there thinking of the worst-case scenario.  Sheesh!  What do I do?!  Wind up with a cat that is going to be a pain in the arse?  I was fretting at no end about how I was going to handle the disappointment.  Such pessimist, eh? 

When we arrived, the owner was very nice to stand outside in the cold to greet us.  While entering the apartment, cigarettes and incense immediately followed and once inside, I saw the mother of the family crying holding the grey cat.  I definitely was not prepared for that scenario.  Then there was the six-year-old boy lying on the couch crying his heart out because we were there to take the cat away.  My heart broke.  The four-year-old hid clutched behind the mother, the father gestured to the mother to give me the cat, and I gestured her to give him to Neva because I wanted to see for myself if the cat was indeed good with children.  At that precise moment, I felt overwhelmed because my emotion was overrun with pity for the family’s loss.  Nevertheless, the cat sat nicely in Neva's arms and the smile....the smile on Neva's face was PRICELESS but I was ridden with GUILT!   Okay that's it!  Ready to go!  Quite honestly, I was in a hurry to leave because a minute later, I would be sitting with them convincing them to keep the cat.  They had to give him up because the landlord did not allow pets.  After some words were exchanged, we left with "Smokey" and he meowed all the way home climbing on the dashboard and sitting on top of it - I kept thinking about the 6-year-old boy who cried and felt so bad.  Unexpectedly, I walked into a heart-wrenching situation because I know I would never want to put Neva through something like this.   However, this story did happen and we dealt with it. 

Sheba, Rambo, and Furry II

To give you a glimpse of my history with cats: my dad always hated cats when we were growing up and we always were under the impression that we would never have cats.  We had dogs and Sheba was my favorite -she was a mix of Irish Settler and some other breed.  I do not think we all ever knew what she was but to me, she was the kindest soul and the nicest dog on the block, or at least I thought.  I was attached to her and would sleep on her tummy at times when I was much younger.  However, to the point, my father finally relented after all of us girls and mom begged dad to us to have a cat.  Much credit went to mom as I suspected she did a good number on dad because we had Rambo home eventually.     

The point to this story is these …how children respond to new pets at home and I definitely remember Rambo coming home and the similarity in how Neva is responding in the same way as I was at the time when Rambo arrived.  In the past six days, I have been nagging at Neva on how to handle Roscoe.  However, the funny part was that I don’t think Roscoe even cared (except the attempt at bathing him and stuffing him in the backpack because she wanted to take him to school).   I have never seen a cat that loves a child as Roscoe loves Neva and he IS taken by her.  I think it’s amazing that their relationship blossomed and Neva now feels she has a friend at home. 

Rambo at 3 mos. old.

When Rambo arrived, we lifted him, carried him, tried to dress him up in Cabbage Patch doll clothes (the faux fur),  which mom hand-made, taped his paws because it was so funny to watch him walk – all this drove parents crazy.  At one time, Rambo hid so well that we called a search party to look for him.  It turned out that we found him hiding in the linen closet where it was soft and dark.  It was then when I realized that I should have given him more space.  

Roscoe and Neva

Stuffing Roscoe in her backpack because Neva wanted to bring him to school or boxing him in a storage bin because Neva wanted him contained while she’s changing into PJ’s … those moments .. cute but sometimes ARGH!! I now can relate to how my parents felt 20+ years ago :).  I know Roscoe’s hiding spot and I refuse to tell Neva where because, like anyone, they need their energy restored.  I never came across a cat who would play hide n’ seek, chase a child down the hall and want to sleep with her.  I named him Roscoe almost immediately when we got home because of his personality.  I did consider naming him Blue because of his fur appearing to be gray/bluish but the fact that our two dear friends' pet names are also Blue, I had to think of a different name.  In the end, I'm very happy with the selection of his name.   Roscoe’s absolutely a gem!

In retrospect, I remember what it was like having a cat in the house for the first time, in which celebrating an additional member to our family should be special, and it is for us.  However, I suspect there will be a lot of “teaching” on how to handle Roscoe.  For Neva, the excitement she has in her eyes the past week coming home has been wonderful to see and is PRICELESS.  She told me she feels like she has a friend at home, which is also wonderful to know.  It is sometimes tough to be the only kid at home.  The fact she knows I see through my promises is very important to me as well.  So now, we have a cat with us, I am definitely sure there will be more stories to come.  So Roscoe…welcome to our little family!

Martin Luther King

This blog is not going to be as lively as my previous entries but it is going to be sensitive.  I hope this would be a moment to remember as a mother and for you, whether a mother or not, to resonate with me.  I also hope that if you have suggestions or feedback, please share it with me.   As I was driving home from DSD tonight, as I mentioned in my last blog, Neva is the talker in the car.  Neva signed ML starting from the shoulder to the hip. To be quite honest, I never imagined she would understand the story of MLK, the complexities of segregation and all that because after all, she has not yet noticed that she is white and she is 5 years old.  I had to ask her to repeat before my suspicion was confirmed.  I have thought of discussing this before with Neva but decided to allow her to be color-blind for as long as possible until the day she notices something amiss.  Some of you may or may not agree but I felt that I wanted to savor her innocence and be "race-free" (I know that word does not exist but how to quite explain that?). 

DSD has a wonderful after school program where students could stay and develop social skills with other students (K-5th grade) and participate in activities.  Today was the Literacy program where someone would sign books out loud (themes) and activities that really vary.  When Neva signed MK, I eventually figured out she was talking about Martin Luther King, Jr.  Then she described in detail the events that had occurred and even included that someone shot him.  I was, at first, squeamish, about the fact she understood that a leader was shot dead.  Naturally, like any mother, I wanted to shield her away from violence or anything that appears to be threatening.  She was talking about some white people taking equality away from “black people” and now they are equal.  It was just so WEIRD to see Neva talking like that, because…I do not know, maybe I still think she is too young to worry about those kinds of things.  But then again, it is just me.  However, the more she talked, the more I was proud of how well she learned the lesson because she very much spelled equality out. 

Tonight she colored her book and showed this to me and I found this interesting!  After a couple of hours after discussing this topic, we did a lot of different things at home and before bed, I allowed her time to draw, write, read or whatever.  She chose to color and this was what she did.  

So obviously, one picture consisted of a "white" Barney and another consisted of a "black Barney and Neva was conscious about it.  WOW.   I just think that this is really sensitive and did not expect this to surface until a bit little later.   But since this information is very important to incorporate in her life, I think I did not expect it to occur so early but if the time has arrived, it has arrived.  So if any of you have experiences of how to share this with your children or students or whatever, please feel free to share here.  

More gist on Interstate 95

When I began my blog yesterday, I really took a stab at writing for it has been YEARS since I have even written, other than my research papers and projects for graduate school.  The writer in me is rusty and for those who have read yesterday, I thank you for your patience as I take tweaks here and there along the way :).  As one may say, some things are always work in progress!

This week the theme to me seems to be this...INTERSTATE 95!

The only logical sense in which is recurrent to me was because of my recent travels to Wisconsin and back to Delaware.  As I was cruising up on 95 North this morning to drop Neva off at our wonderful babysitter, getting on was much difficult than getting on a horse, to tell you the truth.  People on 95 North blaze their way up as if there is no tomorrow (sorry to say but Delaware drivers are much more aggressive than NJ and NY drivers around here)!  One SUV was actually tailgating and blinking lights behind me and I was not even on the "fastest" lane.  (Mind you, that driver, I was just as in much of a hurry as you were to get to work!)  Much to my dismay, I could not give the SUV the bird because then the endless WHY's from Neva would follow.  How could I explain to a 5-year-old what the bird really means when I am ever so trying to teach her manners, patience, respect, and so on forth?  Nah - not even worth it so I did not go there. 

While all that was happening, I had to laugh.  Neva was positioned sitting behind me on the passenger's side and my mirror's set so I could see her (Neva is a talker and she loves to talk while we are traveling).  I had my sunglasses on and we were conversing as usual WHILE I was driving and if you could already picture this scenario as a driver, what would you see?  I admit, for some, this may be not clear but consider that we are both deaf and we use mirrors to communicate.  While darting our way through the freeway, I was talking to Neva about something and began to notice other drivers around me taking second looks and giving me weird looks.  I was like...hmm...what was that?  Did they give me the face?  As I began to contemplate as I am sensitive to how people respond to me like many people (I assume), I started to laugh out loud.  This does not happen often - laughing out loud by yourself - those moments are really incredible. 

Anyways.

Herbie car

I began to understand what was happening.  These drivers did not know I was deaf and I was communicating with my daughter in the backseat and I did have her as an "audience", thank you.  Instead, people thought that the driver of Mazda 5 was insane by using her body language, facial expressions and what not to NO ONE other than cars in front of her OR most importantly - talking to herself!  While I was cursing inside my head and thinking of ungodly thoughts of drivers around me, I imagined they thought of thoughts about me just the same.  A funny thing happened when all of this came to light, Herbie car showed up.  How weird is that?!  Maybe not for you but for me, it was.  I told myself right there and then that this morning already went weird and could not go any weirder than that.  I knew right then and there that I had to rush to DSD and there, I would feel no backlash from drivers on Interstate 95 :)

The thing to think about tonight - whenever you see people doing weird stuff in their car (assuming they are picking their noses or making fast gestures), do not be too quick to judge :).   And seriously, kindly do not tailgate and blink your lights, people. 

Trip Through Lancaster, PA

While traveling back to Newark, DE from our Christmas break in Wisconsin, I decided instead of taking the humdrum of Interstate 95, to travel through Lancaster, PA.  Never once I thought this would become a teaching moment for Neva and perhaps for myself.  I suppose that in this day and age, a lot of us take for granted the things that are run by electricity such as automobiles, technologies (pagers, laptops, portable DVD players, and iPods).  I never really considered what kind of world Neva is seeing because, in my world, I remember the beginning of VCR, CC's, walkman, and everything huge!  However, my iPod now is like 5x smaller than it used to be and the songs do not skip because of every step (referring to portable CD/walkman) I make nor does portable DVD require an additional box to play movies.   Everything was so much simpler back then or was it?   I did not consider any of these until this afternoon when we drove through Lancaster, PA. 

Neva lives in a world where everything is automated and by the touch.  She does not understand that it is possible that people live without these things, especially electricity...at least until we drove through Lancaster, PA (hopefully).  When driving through, I noticed an Amish family walking by the side of the road and pointed them to Neva.  While doing so, I felt foolish because it was like the tourists I made fun of in D.C. :).  Neva was looking over and had a weird expression on her face and turned back to me and said, "why? it's raining!".  I was not prepared for her answer for I foresaw she would comment on the way they were differently dressed or something else).  I responded by explaining that they do not believe in relying on cars for transportation and so on forth.  The first thing that came out of her mouth was....*scoffing - are you kidding me * type of laughter.  I was taken aback!  What?!  No!  Then there went by a horse-drawn buggy with people in it and I again pointed them and Neva verbalized her favorite word, "why"?  I explained to her about the traditions and practices of Amish people and how they perceive cars and electricity and to my amazement, she thought I was kidding.  "I'm serious! Don't you believe me?!"  I never ever thought I would ask, or beg if you will, for my 5-year-old daughter to believe me!  I drove in silence for a short moment and gathered my thoughts, probably my shock.  There goes another buggy and alas, I pointed and Neva laughed.  She commented on how silly to be traveling so slow!   I was aghast.  Seriously!

There I decided was when I needed to teach her about the value of having something that others may not value as much.  I explained  A LOT about what we have that we really do not need but we choose to because we find it entertaining.   Others choose to do things they choose to because they like what they are doing (beliefs).  Neva was shocked.  She was beyond disbelief.  I was truly amazed!

So fellow readers, make sure you take a trip through Lancaster, PA and teach your children about what life is really about. :).

Yes, I have just now started my own blog and was inspired by our dear friend, Heather Lightfoot-Withrow when she began blogging about her children, especially Orion.  I thought since I have always wanted to be a writer of some sort and this is a good place to write my thoughts out loud.   



I really doubt I would have an audience but I hope for our friends to be checking in here from time to time to check us out.   However, for those who are interested but do not know us, I am going to briefly give you an idea of who we are.  I'm 34 years old young at heart woman born and raised in Wisconsin along with my two older deaf sisters whom I love with my whole heart.  My folks have been married for about 45 years and last I checked, they seemed to be recently married.  This is what I call a beautiful marriage, by the way :).   



Shell and me after MSD HC 2004



Five years ago, I gave birth to my beautiful daughter, Neva Shell Whittaker in Fulton, Missouri.  It was unfortunate that six months before the birth, I lost Neva's father to massive cardiac arrest in which his life was taken into God's hands.  The healing process would not have been possible if not for those who were there for me (parents, sisters, coworkers, and students at MSD, Fulton community, Meddra, Marla, Lori, Mandy, and Margie as well as the whole Whittaker clan). 

A month after Neva was born, I received word that I received full funding to return back to Gallaudet University to complete my Bachelor's degree and I jumped at the chance for many important reasons.  When we were settled in on campus, the years flew by so quickly that before I knew, it was May of 2010 and I was receiving my Masters.  It was one of the proudest moments in my life and I hope I made Neva proud.  I also hope that I have set an example for single mothers out there who want to reach as far as furthering their education that they CAN with determination and passion.  



The summer of 2010 was gruesome for me because I had no strong job prospects, my lease was up at the end of July and I had a child to raise.  The pressure was mounting up.   On June 28th, the day after my birthday, the Delaware School for the Deaf called and offered me a job.  Oh!  I cannot begin to describe to you the fleeting thoughts I have had at that moment.   I definitely cried a LOT and thanked God and lots of people who stuck by me through those years.   August 1st came, we left Washington, DC to move to Newark, DE.  I truly appreciated the years I was in DC and for those that I have become friends with or have grown to known, I've been blessed.  After few months of being here in Delaware and being with the DSD family, all I can say is that I hope I continue to do what I do here because I love everything about Delaware. 



Our most recent picutre 12/10