What It Takes to have ADHD Child...

No one will resonate with me except for those who have kids with ADHD.  No parent, friend, family, teacher, counselor, coach, or administrator will really comprehend the complexity of what a child with ADHD encounter every day unless they have a child themselves with ADHD.  What is even more heart-breaking is that most of my child's peers are not compassionate, understanding, thoughtful, or even sensitive to my child's everyday struggles.  They are the ones who make the most influence on Neva and each other.

Some parents do not really help educate their children about accepting and understanding diversity such as the color of people's skin, their religions, sexual orientations including ADHD.  They only worry about their child's popularity and how they can fit in by stepping over others who struggle.  They offer words of comfort and encouragement yet they're just words.  Given that most parents are not familiar and they do not simply know about ADHD, they remain neutral, quiet, and not involved which is not only harmful but damaging.

Ask me about children with Down Syndrome and I wouldn't be the best person to give perfect answers because I don't know.  Yet I am the type of person who would go find resources, talk with people and learn as much as I can to educate not only myself and Neva about this person but to as many people as I can reach out to if ever a child shows up in Neva's school.  I would go out of my way to meet the person and learn.  We owe them that much.  In this case, I so much wish for Neva's peers' parents to understand the importance of learning about ADHD so they can educate their children that all Neva need is acceptance, understanding and especially love.   Neva is thankfully strong yet she has days where she feels like the world is against her.  She is burdened with not just expectations from parents and the community but the expectations of her peers to be "alike".  She was born to stand out and not be like other kids who want to just fit in and be popular.  Imagine the resilience in her...everyday she has to have her game on with million of stuff jolting through her head.  Recently, it was a rare moment where a parent invited Neva to an event.  PAH!  Someone sees and understands Neva.  This had done wonders for Neva recently.  She felt as if she "belonged".   That was really a moment.

Here's one of our stories...recently after basketball practice, she was with a group of girls and then all
of a sudden, someone pulled out a phone to take a group picture.  She was quickly told she did not belong (please don't mind get out of the frame?") and all the girls said nothing and stuck their tongues out and the picture was taken and posted online called "the squad".  She was singled out right there and then and in front of her.  No one said or did anything.  Imagine how hard our conversation was that night...it wasn't the first and definitely will not be the last.  There have been endless stories of how Neva was mistreated and we went through those moments together...quietly.

My heart breaks when I hear slights from adults who are quick to label and put Neva in a box.  "Lazy,  unorganized, not motivated, distracted, very busy...but SMART!"  Sigh.   She's in middle school, the meanest place ever on earth.  She's navigating this world and is learning very fast that she needs to speak up and be herself.  But the task of having to do this every single day is daunting on top of controlling her impulsivity and hyperactivity.  

Neva has her father's personality!  She's bubbly, funny, smart, sensitive, caring, POSITIVE,  strong, stubborn and she's unaware of her beauty and talents.  She sees the best in everyone and she will stand up for those who have harmed her in the past for the sake of just doing something right.  There aren't many people who would have done this for Neva in return.  That really irks me a lot but I'm proud that Neva is genuine.  This irks me because kids do take advantage of Neva's generosity.

There are days that I am wearisome for I am a single mom who works full time.  I don't have much of community support so I am practically all on my own.  I admit I am not the type of mother I want to be.  I am not fulfilling my duties and roles as I would have liked but I do what I can.  People gave me credit for how sweet and caring Neva is; mostly it is her, not me.  It is Neva who has been a great teacher to me of what it takes to exist in this world.  It's amazing.   She has and continues to make a better person in me.  I am much far more restraint in my thoughts and feelings because of Neva but I still have a long way to go :)

Neva is truly a blessing and I know she's intended for me to care for and to love.  I want to do right by her and to stand up for her, be a protector...yet I need the community, parents and their children to embrace Neva's uniqueness and to welcome her, to show her, to teach her, to involve her...to be the person she needs to be to survive and function in the world.  I cannot do this alone.

Neva is far too precious and worthy to be ignored.  When she taps on your child's shoulder for her attention, please be sure to teach your child to look over and "see" Neva.  She genuinely cares and so much wants to belong.